


Turn Your Back (On Mother Nature)

by Baamon5evr



Series: Everybody Wants To Rule The World [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, M/M, PTSD, Paranoia, Sam may seem OOC, Sam-Centric, TW: Blood, Wingfic, a little violence at the end but not graphic, a plot reason, it's for a reason, mild panic attacks, romance is kind of background in this installment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 09:36:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3973135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baamon5evr/pseuds/Baamon5evr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before he even had time to think about it or question his sudden irrationality his wings shot out on both sides, knocking all of them away from him. The voices went very quiet then and all Sam could hear was the sounds of his team, his team, flying and smacking into the walls with sickening thuds, the shattering of glass permeating the air as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turn Your Back (On Mother Nature)

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed, sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> Italics = thoughts

Sam wasn't sure why he hadn't thought of it before but having wings was a big thing to adjust to. It wasn't just the new weight of them on his back, wasn't just the new reflexes he didn't know he had that could lead to disaster at times, wasn't just the nightmares of the pain he had experienced growing them it was the everyday things as well. It was him trying to walk into a room only to have his wings bump into both sides of the door jamb much to his team's amusement. It was trying to figure out how to put on a shirt over the wings (more than often his shirts ended up ripped or horribly stretched out so he just went shirtless not that Steve seemed to mind it.) It was how they were so big they dragged against the ground sometimes and the friction between the carpet and his feathers would shock him. It was how trying to stretch them out completely would have them bumping against the walls and going through the walls entirely at times. It was how he would wake up sometimes to Steve's arm tightened around him and his voice slightly panicked in his ear because Sam had floated them off the bed and high to the ceiling.

He was still trying to get control of all the nuances having wings came with. He hadn't dared to try flying with them yet because he still needed to work on controlling their minute movements especially seeing as how dangerous they actually were. Dr. Cho and her team had analyzed every part of the wings. They seemed to be tissue and flesh but extremely hard, the feathers of his wings were soft to the touch but if Sam wanted they could harden and be sharp as metal, they turned that sharp if the wings were ever in danger of being injured as a defense mechanism. The wings weren't delicate either, they could go straight through walls, just quivering them could call up a gust of wind so he imagined if he really was flapping them the force of wind produced would probably be a weapon in and of itself.

The wings seemed to be responding more to his emotions at the moment rather than his logic though because when he laughed they would quiver. When he was relaxed they would fold to his back stationary and stay that way. When he was angry, they would try their damnedest to stretch out, almost threateningly. When he was with Steve though, simply kissing in bed together or getting ready to fall asleep or just when he walked into a room he noticed the wings stretching out towards him trying to pull him to Sam's side and wrap around him to keep him there. It was mildly embarrassing, Rhodey and Natasha kept teasing him about it but Steve would always blush and smile before plastering himself to Sam's left side, his wing coming around to caress Steve's arm.

Sam still hadn't been outside, still hadn't left the complex at all. He had called and asked Leila for an extended leave and she hadn't asked too much questions about it. He hadn't called his mom or his siblings yet to inform them about the newest development. He didn't know if any of the former Avengers knew about it either but for the moment the only ones who did know was Sam, his team, Helen Cho and her team, the SHIELD agents who worked at the laboratory portions of the complex and he supposed HYDRA knew. They probably thought he was already finished metamorphosing by now. It had been a month afterall since they injected him. His lack of freedom was definitely a bone of contention between Sam and his team. They didn't want him anywhere outside, they didn't think he should be contacting anyone or doing much of anything until they were able to get rid of HYDRA. Sam wasn't really up for just sitting on his ass waiting around for HYDRA to be eradicated, they'd proven harder to get rid of than roaches, and he wanted his freedom. If anything the wings had only exacerbated that.

"I know you want to protect me but I'm going to lose my mind staying cooped up in this house all day." Sam said to Steve as they got ready for bed. Sam had moved rooms after the wings grew out, his new room was much larger with a lot more stretching space so he could fully extend the wings in this room. Steve had awkwardly paused by the door on the first night. He got used to sleeping with Sam over the week he was sick but their relationship was brand spanking new and he didn't want to push. Sam had grabbed him by the hand and pushed him to the bed before going between Steve's legs and sprawling out on his stomach so they were chest to chest. Sam found sleeping on his back to be uncomfortable and Steve was a fine if firm pillow. They had been sleeping in the same room for the past month since the procedure.

"There's a lot of base to explore, Sam and one of the Avengers are usually here for you to spend time with anyway." Steve answered, pulling back the sheets on the bed.

"I know that Steve but I'd rather not walk through SHIELD's labs and spend the whole time getting gawked at. And as much as I love the team I just want to breathe a little on my own for a change." Sam replied with a little agitation slipping into his voice. Steve looked up from his task towards Sam with a sigh.

"I know this is hard for you, Sam."

"Do you really?" He asked and more anger slipped into his voice than even he was expecting. He was noticing that, he was getting angrier everyday but if he could just get outside and have some space to breath he'd be a lot better. Sam sighed as Steve stared at him with bewilderment. He walked over to him and held his hands in his.

"Look, I just want one day out of the house. We don't have to go to the city or anything Steve, I just want to be out of these walls. I know the risks, I know you're protecting me from people's cameras just as much as HYDRA but it's just a day. A day to actually stretch." Sam pleaded, Steve stared at him indecisively. Sam didn't need Steve's permission to do anything but he was fairly certain he probably gave out an order to not let him leave and he'd rather not deal with the ignominy of having Jacosta lock all the doors and windows on him.

"Come on, baby." Sam crooned softly leaning up to kiss behind Steve's ear, his weak spot.

"Just. One. Day." He said, punctuating each word with an opened mouth kiss. He could feel Steve shivering under his lips.

"You're cheating."

"Is it working?" Sam asked, still keeping attention firmly on manipulating that soft spot to his benefit.

"Yeah." Steve breathed out in a husky tone, shivering even more.

"Then I'm not sorry." Steve sighed heavily as Sam pulled his earlobe into his mouth, sucking on it lightly.

"Fine, fine. God, you win." Sam pulled back and looked up at Steve to make sure he wasn't just saying that.

"Really?"

"One day but I go with you."

"Fine, that's good. Whatever as long as I get out of here. We can make a picnic of it." Sam said, smiling widely before leaning up to kiss Steve. Steve pulled back and then looked up at Sam with a chuckle. Up at him? Oh. Sam looked down, he had floated himself off the floor in his excitement. Instead of forcing himself back to the ground he grabbed onto Steve's shirt and pulled himself to him, wrapping his legs around his waist when he was close enough and using his weight to force Steve down to the bed.

"No laughing at me."

"What are you going to do about it?" Steve asked with the same husky voice looking at him with hooded eyes. Sam smirked, for all that staying inside all day was stifling, staying in all night with Steve in his bed was far from dull. He leaned down to Steve's ear letting his hot breath linger over the flesh.

"I'm going to bed. I know it's past your bedtime old man and we've been pretty active this week, don't want to tire you out so good night." Sam slipped off of Steve, asked Jacosta to turn off the light and laid down on his on the bed next to him with a wider smirk. He heard Steve scoff before he felt him grab his waist and crawl on top of him immediately pressing a heated kiss to his lips. He pulled off Steve's mouth with a giggle falling from his lips as Steve began tickling his sides.

"Tire me out." He heard him mumbling under his voice with indignation in his tone. He knew Steve was going to make it his mission to wear Sam out now, he had no protests to that.

**~*~*~**

The next morning, well late the next afternoon because Sam didn't wake up until 11 thanks to Steve picking up his bait, Sam found himself practically bouncing by the front doors of the complex. Steve was off grabbing some blankets while Sam held a picnic basket in his hands. He wondered how it would feel to be outside again, feel the sun along with the wind against his skin, hear the rushing of the leaves in his ears, feel the earth beneath his feet.

"You ready?" Steve asked, coming up next to him.

"You have to ask?" Sam retorted. Steve looked him up and down. Each time Sam did a little bounce he floated minutely before his feet returned to the ground. Steve smiled a little, something about the wings were just right on Sam and it always made him happy to see Sam happy and no longer in pain like he was when they were growing. He never wanted to see Sam like that again.

"Let's go then." Steve opened the bay doors and walked out, Sam following him without hesitation. He made it maybe two feet before he had to stop. Sam hadn't taken into account how different observing the world would be with his heightened senses. Everything was so loud, the leaves rustling were like airplane engines in his ear. The birds chirping were as loud as metal banging together. The wind rushing through space was like a train barreling down a track. The world was so bright in his eyes, the sun giving everything a too bright flare like the flash of a camera going off over and over again. He could smell everything and it was all too much, it was way too much. He closed his eyes and felt the picnic basket slip out of his hands before he reached up and covered his ears. He could feel his wings fluttering with agitation behind him. He felt his breath coming quicker as he tried to calm down and take the world in. Suddenly he felt Steve's hand pulling his hands from his ears and his soothing voice penetrated his bubble of panic.

"It's a lot, I know, but just focus on my voice. Focus on me and breathe." Sam focused on Steve's voice and breathed deeply until it became manageable.

"Good, now just let things come one sense at a time first. Get used to tasting the air on your tongue and then the smell of the dirt and the flowers and pollen in it. When you're used to that then you can get used to hearing the wind rushing through air. Follow the sound of it from space to the trees, rushing through the leaves and over the grass and across the water. Feel it brush against your skin, across your wings and then you just open your eyes and see it all. See past the sunlight and see the world."

Sam took it slowly, acclimating to each new yet old smell and sound and taste around him before he even dared open his eyes again. Steve was the first thing he saw, the sunlight creating a halo around him. Sam doubted he'd ever not see Steve as that, as an angel no matter how much he got used to the sun. He looked over Steve's shoulders at the forest before them next to the driveway. Once he got used to the sun and was able to truly see the world he was shocked at the beauty of it. Suddenly the song 'What a Wonderful World' flashed through his mind. The grass was greener than he'd ever seen it before, his eyesight was such that he could even see ladybugs crawling up individual stalks. It was fall now so the leaves seemed like little patches of fire falling from the deep brown branches of the trees. He could see several empty nests and make out a couple where the birds still were occupying them, having not migrated just yet. The sky was an indescribable shade of blue, fat clouds rolling by. Sam had the urge to be up there in the clouds, to fly up into the sun not unlike Icarus but he'd take it a step at a time. Outside first, flying later. He looked at Steve who was watching him intently.

"You should start narrating nature documentaries or something. You might give Morgan Freeman a run for his money." Steve smirked a bit before taking his hand and beginning to lead him down the driveway.

"No one could ever replace Morgan's voice in documentaries. He should just say every word in the dictionary so we never lose his voice." Sam chuckled a little before tightening his hold on Steve's hand and continuing to let him pull him along. Steve led him to a hill overlooking the complex but it was far enough away that no one would really spot him and Steve there even if they could see them. They laid out the blanket and sat down together. Steve started unpacking the food from the basket and rolled his eyes as he packed things out. Sam watched with amusement as he took out two wrapped sandwiches, honey ham and American cheese, two slices of apple pie in plastic clam-shells, two bags of cool ranch Doritos and two bottles of lemonade. There were also napkins inside with patterns of the American flag and the plastic utensils featured white knives, blue forks and red spoons. Sam smiled largely at Steve as he looked up at him with a self-deprecating smile.

"You let Natasha pack the basket, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I don't why I expected anything different." Sam started laughing at Natasha's humor and soon Steve joined in. For however much she packed food she knew would get a rise from Steve or at least tease him everything was still good. He tasted things in such a different way now and while he still wasn't picky he could be sensitive to certain tastes like avocado, that was out and so was guacamole to his despair but ketchup, which he was partial to before, was now firmly in. He and Steve were able to enjoy the meal together and actually talk and even when it was silent it didn’t feel uncomfortable, he could just be with Steve without having to talk. After they had finished eating Sam found himself lying between Steve’s legs, his back to his chest with his wings stretched out across the grass so they didn’t bother Steve. Sam took a moment to observe the dark brown feathers of his wings, they really were beautiful.

“This was nice. I’m glad you talked me into it.” Steve said.

“Wasn’t hard. You are easily persuaded, Rogers.”

“Nah, just for you.”

“Aww, don’t get sappy on me. It’s not even evening yet.” Steve chuckled a bit before leaning down and kissing Sam’s forehead.

“You know, as nice as this was, eventually I’m going to have to actually leave the grounds of the complex. I want to talk to my family, see them. I still have my vets to think about and we still have Avengers duties. I can’t just sit out on them. Once I get the wings under my control, once I can fly safely, I want to be back in the field.”

“I know that. I know you can’t stay inside forever.”

“But?”

“But… I just don’t want anything to happen to you. People are already critical of the Avengers as is. The government is getting wearier and wearier of anyone who is Enhanced. They wanted to bring Wanda in for testing, if we hadn’t gotten SHIELD to override that who knows what they would’ve done with her DNA, with her abilities. You’re special now too. I don’t trust them not to try to use you and experiment on you any more than I trust HYDRA not to do the same.”

Sam was hearing Steve’s words and they were perfectly logical, Sam knew that in his heart and his head but in the back of his mind he couldn’t help thinking that Steve was being selfish. Steve was trying to cut him off from his freedom because he wanted Sam all for himself, because he wanted to use him for the Avengers. He wanted him to be his weapon.

_What the hell? That’s not true. Steve would never do that, he loves me. I’m being paranoid._ He mentally shook himself.

“I want to protect you just as much as you want to protect me, Steve.” Sam said looking up at him.

“To protect you I need to learn to use the wings, to control them. I don’t plan on throwing myself to the wolves before I know I can at least fly away from them.”

“There’s enough space out here for you to practice commanding the wings and work your way up to flying. We can all help you, as a team.”

_Team? What team? You don’t have a team, just people who put up with you. They are your handlers, they are trying to control you._

Sam pushed the unreasonable voice away. It was just some misplaced insecurities. He wasn’t going to listen to that mess, it wasn’t true no matter what his brain wished to convince him of.

**~*~*~**

Over time Sam found getting control of his wings was an arduous task. Sometimes he would go in with the best intentions and it would still end badly. He had ended up completely shattering the bay doors leading to the backyard when his wings batted unexpectedly and called up a gust of wing strong enough to turn the glass to mere shards. He accidently cut himself a couple times when the feathers hardened at random times and he had face planted or ended up throwing himself into walls intermittently but his team was always at his back.

Wanda had started to join him, using her powers to stop him from banging into walls and falling to the ground. She was a supportive and tender voice in his ear, an offshoot to the drill sergeant tones Natasha and Rhodey took. They were the ones who pushed him, pushed him to be in control. He expected this from them, Rhodey was military and Natasha was like this when she had trained him in combat when they first assembled the team. They would work him until he was sweating from the effort of just trying to get his wings to fold in on themselves and stay that way even when he began getting irritated. There was a part of his brain that kept whispering to him that he didn’t have to listen to them, that they were trying to train him like they would a wild animal, that he shouldn’t trust them but he pushed that voice away. He didn’t know what was causing that insecurity but he pushed it down because it had no merit.

It took a lot of practicing control before they even entertained the idea of Sam flying and even then they still always held off, pushing it back for this reason or that. Finally the day came where it was time for Sam to take to the skies again, this time with wings that didn't just fold away into a pack. Apparently this merited an audience because all the Avengers were there along with Helen and some members of her team as well as some SHIELD scientists. Vision was the one helping Sam with this particular endeavor.

“You already know what it feels like to be up there among the clouds but I suspect having real wings is a bit different.” Vision said standing across from Sam in the backyard. Sam nodded, he was anxious to be in the air but patiently followed Vision’s words.

“We’ll start off slowly. Just a hover off the ground." Sam concentrated on making himself rise no more than a foot off the ground. At first he didn't think he moved at all because Vision remained at the same height as Sam but he could feel the wings quivering against his back and he realized Vision was flying with him. He had flown with Rhodey before but this was different. He had actual wings and Vision wasn't in any armour, he was as bare as Sam. Vision nodded his head in approval and continued a slow ascension, Sam following him up. He had to focus hard to keep going slowly, he had an urge to just fly far far away but he kept his focus and kept drifting higher and higher until he could see they were above the trees.

"Now that the hard part is over..." Sam startled as Vision suddenly took off to the right. It was instinct that he took off after him. Vision was flying in a zigzag pattern, turning sharp corners in the air and doing loop-de-loops. Sam followed his movements effortlessly as if it were muscle memory taking over and in a way it was. He remembered flying with Riley how they trusted the wings almost as much as each other, how they were in sync with each other, orbiting around each other effortlessly much like Sam and Vision were now. They were flying upwards now, spiraling around each other in their ascension. Sam could feel the anticipation growing as they drew nearer to the clouds then they broke through them and the sun was there brighter than ever to Sam's enhanced eyesight. He found himself hovering there, taking in the feeling of the sun's warmth on his wings and face, the feeling of touching the clouds and having someone to share it with. He looked over at Vision and smiled widely, the freedom intoxicating him with happiness. Vision smiled serenely at him before looking away up to the sun.

_Now's your chance. His back is turned, you can strike at him now. It's such a little thing, you strike at him and then fly away. Fly to your freedom._ There was that voice again, that annoying venomous voice.

_Shut up._ Sam ordered it. It kept going, spewing all kinds of hateful things to Sam about his team, about Steve. Sam felt his feathers sharpening, his euphoria turning to something darker. He felt himself drifting closer to Vision with intentions to... to...

Suddenly Vision went into a freefall and Sam's heart dropped. All poisonous thoughts flew from his head and all he could think of was how Riley fell that way, how he fell in a fiery ball of flailing limbs and haunting screams and how Sam could do nothing. He found himself plummeting down following after Vision. He broke through the clouds, his wings tucking closer so he could descend faster. The wind brushed harshly across his feathers and he felt them harden to aid his rapid descent. He reached his arm down and managed to snag on to Vision's cape before slowing their descent and flying back down to the backyard. When they were on the ground he began frantically looking Vision over for injuries.

"Are you okay?" He asked panicked.

"I am fine. I was just practicing some maneuvers. I thought it would be fun." Vision sounded confused and painfully human but his carelessness just made Sam even more upset.

"Well it wasn't fun and it wasn't funny. It was thoughtless and senseless. You didn't think about how something like that would effect other people. What if I hadn't caught you or you--"

"Sam." He looked over at Wanda, only just remembering that there were other people in the backyard. Everyone else was looking at him with concern or confusion.

"He wasn't thinking maliciously, he was just trying to train your reflexes." Wanda said softly in Vision's defense.

"I should have warned you before I acted. I apologize for my miscalculation." Sam still felt agitated even though a part of him felt he was overreacting or not handling this as he usually would. He was usually a lot cooler headed when reminded of how Riley died. He was able to compartmentalize, put it in a drawer for the mission's sake, for his team's sake and come back to it later but it felt like there was a lock on his mental shelves, he couldn't push anything away and he felt like his emotions -- mostly the negative -- was severely heightened. On top of that now his eyes were itching like a mother. Vision canted his head at him curiously.

"Your eyes are turning red." He said softly so no one but Sam would hear. He closed his eyes and shook his head against the haze settling over his mind.

"Next time just think before you do something like that." He mumbled before hastening his way inside. Everyone else gave him a wide berth. He made his way upstairs, going to an unoccupied suite knowing Steve would probably look for him if he went to their room. He immediately went to the bathroom, locked the door and looked at himself in the mirror, there were flecks of red in his irises and they were glowing slightly. His eyes felt itchy and irritated and he still could hear the whispers in the back of his head. He closed his eyes trying to focus his breathing but it was hard, so hard when it felt like there was a tempest raging in his head. There was a knocking at the bathroom door and he rolled his eyes, thinking it was Steve who found him.

"Go away Steve."

"It's me and Vision. Can we come in?" He heard Wanda say. Sam contemplated saying no. He wondered if they would respect that and then wondered why he was being so irrational. He looked back up to the mirror, his eyes were still red and they still itched. He sighed before opening the door.

"Look I'm sorry I snapped at you like that. I overreacted." Sam said before either spoke.

"That's not what we came for. Your eyes are red, you've been irritable lately, angry. You've not been yourself." Wanda said with concern and logically he knew her concern was warranted but he didn't feel very rational lately. He rolled his eyes before exiting the bathroom.

"I am perfectly fine."

"I do not think you are." Wanda said.

"I don't care what you think." He replied, ignoring her wounded look. Vision held Wanda back slightly as she made to walk even closer to him.

"Sergeant, I think you need to calm down. I don't think you understand--"

"Understand what? That I'm different now? I'm different and now you want to control me, is that it?"

_That's what they want. They want to use you._

_You're special, you are powerful and they are afraid of you for it._

_You must show them._ The whispers said as Sam entered the main room of the suite. Steve, Natasha and Rhodey were there. Sam couldn't help rolling his eyes again.

“What is this? Team meeting time?”

“More like team intervention. What’s going on, Wilson? You haven’t been acting like yourself.” Rhodey said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The glow stick eyes tell another story.” Natasha commented dryly. Sam glared at her slightly before Steve stepped in front of her carefully.

“Look, obviously there’s something we overlooked in what HYDRA injected you with. Helen will look into it, we’ll make this right. You just have to come with us down to the lab so--”

“So you can strap me down to a table and stick all kinds of needles in my arms and try to make me weaker. Try to make me into what you want?” Sam said interrupting Steve. Steve looked at him with confusion.

“No, no. What are you talking about? I would never try to hurt you, you know that.”

“Do I? What I know is that you’ve been the one trying to keep me in here away from the world like your secret weapon. What I know is that now I’m strong, I’m special and you hate it don’t you? You hate thinking that there might be a day when I’m stronger than you and I don’t need **_Captain America_** to protect me.” Sam said with more anger and venom in his voice than he even knew himself capable of expressing.

_This is wrong, this is all wrong. This is crazy._ He thought watching Steve’s face crumple to one of hurt.

_No, this is right._

_Let them feel this pain._

_Show them._

_Show them who you are._

“Alright Sam, you’re not thinking clearly. You need to calm down and come with us to the lab.” Natasha said, a clear warning in her voice.

“We’re your team Sam. Let us help you.” Rhodey added in a softer voice.

“Team?” Sam looked around the room and scoffed.

“You’re not my team. You were fine when I was just normal, human Sam. I didn’t have any super powers, wasn't a super assassin, didn’t have any suit of armor with all the parlor tricks I was just a soldier who could handle some fancy tech pretty well. Now I’m more than that and I’m a problem now? Now there’s something wrong with me? You don’t want me to be free, you want to make me your prisoner. Your very own Winter Soldier.” Sam could feel his eyes itching even more and the wings were twitching on his back, begging to be released while the whispers grew louder.

_Show them._

_Show them your strength._

_Show them they can't control you._

Sam looked at the room’s occupants, only now realizing they were crowding him, trying to box him in. Steve, Natasha and Rhodey were pushing in to his right side while Vision and Wanda stood on the left.

“We’re not trying to hurt you. You’re not a prisoner, you’re the man I love and they’re your friends. You’re hurt, something is wrong and we want to help you.” Steve said as he approached him closer with his hands raised in surrender but he could see Natasha reaching for something in her pocket.

_Show them._

_Show them who you are now._

_Show them they are less than you._

_Show them._ The voices insisted.

They were closing in on him closer and whatever Natasha had in her pocket was being drawn out. The voices weren’t whispers anymore, they were loud, impossibly loud and he couldn’t hear anything else. Steve was still talking to him, probably giving him reassurances but they went over Sam’s head. All he knew is that he had to show them, he had to show them he wasn’t weak, they couldn’t control him, he wouldn’t be their pet or their puppet or their mascot anymore. Before he even had time to think about it or question his sudden irrationality his wings shot out on both sides, knocking all of them away from him. The voices went very quiet then and all Sam could hear was the sounds of his team, **_his team_** , flying and smacking into the walls with sickening thuds, the shattering of glass permeating the air as well.

He stumbled a bit, his head felt heavy and his eyes felt less itchy but now they ached and his vision blurred. He felt his wings pull back to his body and he stumbled even more at the weight of them. They felt heavier than they ever had before. He hesitantly looked up and around the room at his team. Vision was holding an unconscious Wanda in his lap, her head was bleeding a bit above her left eyebrow. Rhodey had been flung into a glass coffee table and was pulling a shard out of his shoulder. Natasha had smacked into her side and was holding her ribs while helping Steve sit up. Steve, who had smashed into the mirror that was hanging on the wall and now had bleeding cuts all over the right side of his face. Sam backed away in horror.

“Oh my god, oh my god what did I do? What the hell did I do?” Sam looked down at his hands with disgust and horror. He continuing backing away and looked up to see his team staring at him warily, like he was a threat, like he was dangerous and he was. He hurt them, he hurt his team. The people whose backs he was meant to watch, the people he was supposed to lay his life down for and he was the one hurting them.

“Sam, it’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Steve said, trying to stand up but Natasha held him down. Sam shook his head not wanting to stare too long at Steve’s bleeding face. He did that, he did _that_ to the man he loved.

"No, no it’s not okay. None of this is okay.” He felt like the room was closing in on him. Like he was about to be crushed with some great weight and all he wanted was to go, he had to go. He couldn’t be here. Sam started running then, his feathers hardening as he jumped out the window. The glass broke around him, freeing him from the confines of the room. He shot off then, ignoring the calls behind him. He needed to be away, he needed to go right then.

He found himself flying hard and fast, faster than he even thought he could go. He felt like he had a jet to his back but it was just the power of the wings covering ground faster than he knew they were capable of. He could hear the metal of his hardened feathers slicing through the air as he took himself farther and farther away from the Avengers complex. But where would he go? What could he do? Where would he not be a danger to other people?

_Come home._ The voices whispered to him.

_I can’t go home. I can’t hurt my team or my family._

_Come home, your real home, your true home. You will be safe here._

_Where is that?_ He asked.

Suddenly he felt a pull in his mind, his body changing directions without his express permission. He wasn’t sure where he was going, where this supposed home was but despite the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and the anxiousness roiling within him at what he had just done to his team and whose voice was leading him now he couldn’t stop himself from going where the pull was leading him. He found himself flying for a long time, easily more than an hour, before he started to feel his body begin to descend a bit over what looked like a dilapidated base built into the side of a cliff. He knew nothing good could lead from entering that base. He tried to fight the pull, flying higher in the sky and trying to break against it.

_No, this is wrong. It’s wrong! You’re stronger than this, fight it!_ He mentally shouted to himself but he found himself fluctuating in altitude mid-air, his internal battle playing out physically. He was fighting, still fighting so hard when he heard a whistling through the air. He looked down and gasped as a black shape was barreling towards him, he effortlessly flew to side to avoid it wondering if it was a missile. He looked back at it and was that… a net? He looked back down as the whistling sounded again, he couldn't see people but there were cannons down there shooting more nets towards him. He began doing evasive maneuvers against them just like he, Riley and their team had to do when they were still training with the wings. This part was easy, fighting, flying in combat zones. He was used to this and it was much easier to deal with rather than the voices in his head and facing what he had done to his team. He found himself spiraling through the air, dodging the nets as he went, his wings effortlessly slicing through the metal of the nets if they got too close.

_Just keep flying._ He told himself, eventually he’d be away from whoever his pursuers were and he’d be safe. He kept flying in no general direction, just away. There was no plan further than that, he just needed to be away. He spun through the air, the whipping wind bringing tears to his eyes, when he felt something clamp onto his left foot. He screamed as pain flared up and shot through his leg. He looked down only to see what seemed to be a bear trap attached to him just above his ankle.

_Goddammit, those medieval motherfuckers._ Sam thought angrily. The chain from the bear trap started pulling him down slightly, fighting with Sam’s enhanced strength as he continued flying away. He kept at it, his wings batting the air fiercely generating winds so strong that any nets that came close to him simply were blown away. He felt the bear trap give from it’s base on the ground but the weight of flying with it was dragging him down even further. He managed to do a somersault in the air and use his wings sharpness to cut the chain of the bear trap but it was still connected to his foot. The adrenaline coursing through him was doing something for the pain for now but soon it would become unbearable. He couldn’t go back to the complex though, couldn’t face his team, couldn’t face Steve. He knew Steve's face would heal relatively soon, it would leave no scars but he still hurt him, he still hurt all of them. He continued flying and soon there were no more nets or bear traps hurling at him, there were no voices in his head, nothing but blind panic and confusion and indecision. He had no idea where to go, no idea what to do.

Home, the voice in his head had said. Right now home wasn’t looking all that bad to him. He just wanted a moment to rest, a moment to feel, a moment to think without any pressure or judgement or fear. Home, home is right.


End file.
